Just As I Am

When is the last time your world blew up?
When is the last time your current reality...revealed itself as not so real after all?
When is the last time you looked in the mirror and saw beyond your own image?
When is the last time the STATUS QUO became a thing of fantasy?

This past week was one of those times.

There are many different levels that this type of upheaval can occur on in your life.
As a performance driven individual this type of chaos is avoided, feared and if the first two options are not possible, fixed immediately.

I have grown up doing the right thing.
Or trying to do the right thing.
As often as possible.
The goal is 100%
Not 90%.
The goal is: Do it.
Do it right.
Do it better.
Do it better with a good attitude.
Improve on it.
Do it again.
Failure is not making less than 5o%...
failure is not reaching your goal.

I grew up self assessing to the max.
Analyzing.
Inspecting.
Critiquing.
Cleaning out.
Building up.
Strengthening.
Educating.
Improving.
Doing it.
Right...
and righter still.
Proving to myself that I could.

Suck it up princess.
Shake it off.
Be strong.
Be stronger.
Get it right.
Be good.
You can.
Think positive.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You know what to do.
Do it.

I didn't smoke.
I didn't drink.
I didn't sleep around.
I didn't cheat.
I didn't do drugs.
I didn't swear.
I didn't ..lots of things.

I hated school.
I aced my exams.
I excelled.
I was extremely shy.
I became popular.
I had no fashion sense.
No sense of style.
I faked it.
I liked being alone.
I hid in crowds.
I hated public speaking.
I became a great conversationalist.

I dreamed big.
I had nightmares.

I am 40.
Today I am surrounded by the rubble of disappointed hopes.
My mind echoes with the screams of avoided fears..
I am haunted by the consequences of delayed failure.

I stand amidst the ruins of choices.
I failed.

Now what?

Why do we fear failure so much?
Actually..not all failures...
There are many ways to fail acceptably.

My failure is not one of them.
I am not going to name my failure for all you who are salivating...
Suffice to say...it is mine...
You have yours.
If I trusted that my nakedness would spawn nakedness all around instead of a gossip fest then maybe I would scream my failure from the rooftop.
But I don't.
Most of us take reality in little convenient bite size pieces.
Calling ourselves raw...open..honest.
The truth is if we get truly honest and uncovered ...most of the time we shake up someone else's comfort zone..
Our nakedness requires something of everyone around us...
What do we do now?
What is required of me?
Is this going to cost me?

I don't like feeling obligated.

The truth is we are all OBLIGATED!

To each other.

To love.
To share.
To support.
To encourage.
To give.
To prefer the other.
To sacrifice.
To serve.

Because the truth is..if we can grasp it...

We are all dependent...
Interdependent.
When one is sick...
When one is hurting..
When one is lonely..
When one is abandoned..
When one is abused..
When one is naked..
When one is lacking...
When one is poor...

We are all...
SICK
HURTING
LONELY
ABANDONED
ABUSED
NAKED
LACKING
POOR

This week...

I sit surrounded by a need.
Failure covers the landscape.
Abject poverty of spirit swells like a tsunami.

This is who I am.
This is my reality.
This is where faith begins.
This is where trust flourishes.
Just as I am.
God comes to my worst .... not my best.
He saves....
He defeats the Giant.
I realized this week that in the old story of David and Goliath, when David ran towards Goliath,
he wasn't seeing a Giant... He was running towards his God....the giant was God's to bring down.

We all have our personal giants..specifically tailored to our fears, weaknesses, hungers, desires, hopes and dreams.
At the place of our greatest failures is the potential for the greatest success.
We cannot defeat ourselves.
We come.
Just as we are.
Children.
Broken.
Wrong.
Afraid.
Undone.

Trusting that God is bigger.
Than our failures.
Than our giants.
Than our assessments.
Than our successes.

Here I am.
Miracles come.
When they are needed.
When they are believed in.

In the midst of my ruins today.
I believe.
I take courage.
I run forward...towards the one...
Just as I am..

He is everything I need.
He takes me as I am.
Just as I am.

Take courage.
I am.
He never fails the failed.

Life..or something like it...

Waiting.
How much of our lives is spent waiting?

waiting for answers to questions...
for the next meal...
the next drink...
for morning...
for the day to end..
for the weekend to begin...
for the all important proposal...
the first contraction that signals the beginning of labor...
for payday...
for summer holidays..
for the good news..
the bad news...
any news...

waiting.

For a sign.
For a sound.
For something.

Not yet.

But soon.

I hate the word soon!

Today...is pregnant with anticipation.
I am awaiting on impending news... a sign... an answer... a promise..
Some of these things are accompanied by pain... grief...suffering and sorrow...
Others by sacrifice...and discipline, effort and resolve...
And another by peace..comfort..joy and hope.

Just waiting.

I think I have been waiting all my life.
Knowing that there is no arriving... while I draw breath.
The journey of life is as important as the destination...
The destination is within us...
Conceived by the very presence of the ONE..
Who outside of time and space...
Inhabits.
Us.
Dwells...
Within.
Us.
Fully.

This is life.
To know Him.
As I am known.
To be in Him.
As He is in me.

Life.

Or something like it....

Wrapped in a blanket...
Struggling to keep warm, I fight back the tears that threaten to spill over.
Following is so much more than just believing.
Today I follow ...
And the trail leads to a grave...
A barren wasteland...
A dark cave... in a storm.
A precipice...
a desert...

These are not destinations...
but steps on a journey...
The destination is not a place...
but a state of being...

Do I believe in life after love?
Didn't Cher sing that line?

No.
I don't.
Life is LOVE.
LOVE is life.

Today, as tears flow...and my heart fails me,
As my eyes pierce the horizon, waiting for redemption..
for a response...
for a rescue...
for an explanation...
a revelation...
a resurrection...

I find myself... acknowledging my limitations..my ignorance,
My finite imagination.

So... I wait.
Anticipating... that the response is... near.
Life.. or something like it...is happening all around me.
Tonight..a lunar eclipse..where the shadow of the earth covers the light of the moon.
A satellite..falls from the sky...
A life lingers on the threshold...
A journey continues...on a blind curve...
Hearts break... and still beat...
Minds reason... and snap
Hands still... clenched in tormented helpless fists....resting on bruised chests.
We hold our breath...
And exhale...yet again...

Birth.
Death.
Success.
Failure.
Justice.
Oppression.
Hope.
Despair.

Life.
And yet not...life...

Today...
In all honesty...
I'll take...
I'd rather...
...something like it....

Just not..this...

A Love Story....

So my husband comes home yesterday from work and calls me into the den to view this website he heard about on CBC radio.
The website is www.booksbyyou.com.
Check it out if you dare.
The jist of it is that you have several different story synopsis to choose from. You enter your personal information: first and last name, eye color, hair color, body type ( wahoo! You can lie!) and the name of a close personal friend. You choose your hero and presto. One click and there you are star of your own cheesy romance novel.
On the radio they were touting this as a great valentines gift...for you and your lover.
You get to do a free sample online...so we did.
Oh my!
We howled!
I promptly called my good friend Cheryle...and busted a gut as she read back her raunchy personalized version.
Honestly..it has been a long while since I laughed til I cried.

What does this say...about us?

" Her silky satiny skin brushed up against him as she reached for her coffee cup...."
" His piercing blue eyes shot a lightening bolt through her..igniting the embers of desire."
" Her hand reached for the buttons.... "
As the commercial goes...
"That was easy!"

Has it come to this?
Welcome to the desert of the real...as they say in the Matrix.

Are we so scared of being invisible...and ordinary...and unimaginative..and insignificant..and uninteresting..and unlovely....unremarkable..unworthy...

What do we believe about ourselves that drives us to the great "American Romance Novel"?

I find it interesting that men fight the battle with pornography....
While us women go unremarked upon in our obsession with the Romance Novel.

We launch ourselves into impossible worlds with ..improbable heroines and heroes... clutching our bodices dramatically as we are taken against our will... we are ravished and fall madly in love with our ravishers...suffer seduction and surrender our virtues...all between laundry, carpooling and soccer practice.
We are stalked by killers and fall into bed with our rescuers in the suspense genre...shop til we drop on Rodeo Drive and are seduced by strangers in cafe's in the modern genre.. Taken captive by barbarians in the Medieval era...
All the while loathing our true selves...wrestling with cellulite, a rash of acne...the spare tire and muffin top bulging over our jeans...our breasts geographically challenged by childbirth or weight gain or genetics...only saved by technologically enhanced undergarments that are no support while lying flat on our backs on ill fitting cotton sheets of unremarkable thread counts.

Whether you were prom queen.. most sought after girl by the jocks...
Activist pursued by the environmentally conscious tree huggers...
Brain...admired for your intellectually stimulating conversations..
Car Jockey...dirty girl..covered in grease, riding with the bad boys...
Librarian...hidden behind your shy demeanor...shrouded in mystery undiscovered..
MVP of the varsity team... popular by association...
Goth girl...grunge girl...deep thoughtful contemplative girl...theatre girl..dance girl...artist girl
Or Plain-Jane...invisible girl...
...avoided or marginalized... elevated and praised...

We still seek to put ourselves in another story...to transplant ourselves...to reinvent ourselves...
As if we are not enough.

We fight our own sense of insignificance and inadequacy every day... we battle invisible demons.. wage wars against disembodied voices... mentally assault nameless enemies striding beside us on the sidewalk...or sitting next to us in the salon....the woman in the mirror brushing her teeth before bed.
We are still fighting.

Our screams echo around in our heads like something out of a horror flick.

And we escape.
Recreate.
Re-design.
Re-invent.

To survive.

There is another love story out there.
This one is real.
Worth the read.
It's not finished yet....
Several episodes left.

The funny thing is.
You really are the heroine.
There is a lover....
Whew...you couldn't make him up if you tried.
He is so not Hollywood.

It's a best seller.
This romance.
It's not in the back seat of a stretch limo...or a penthouse suite...
Or maybe it is...
Wherever you are there it is.
It's also in the alley under the El.
In the back room of the bar...
It's in the trailer park...the hotel room...the casino...the cabin... the condo
Its on the seashore...the mountain top...the ghetto...
The projects...the brothel... the refugee camp...the suburbs

She's wearing a burkah...goth clothing...army fatigues... a sari...an apron
Satin...wool...silk...cotton...furs...rags....
Shes naked.
Stiletto's...thigh highs... doc martins...platforms....bare feet....flip flops...
She's anorexic...obese...obsessive...addicted...successful...incarcerated...turning tricks... shooting up... bottoming out...suicidal...murderous...depressed... intellectually challenged...

She's you...she's me...
She's beloved.

Check out the story...it has rave reviews.
Nothing else comes close.
It's off the hook.
The author?
He's the Hero....
Check him out...
You won't be sorry.
Trade in the fantasy... for a little reality.
Forget COKE...this is THE REAL THING!
Today is Valentines Day....
Start looking through his rose colored glasses...
Start filtering through his camera lens...
Discover...
You are Loved....
You are enough...
You are MORE than enough...
You are the reason..the focus... the prize.

BE LOVED.
Beloved.

Happy Valentines Day to all you Beauties out there.

Master Cleanse

Day four.
Tomorrow is the half way point.
The hardest part of the day is my morning salt water flush.
Being the sixth time doing this cleanse,I am puzzled by the fact that the morning flush gets harder each time.
I decided rather spontaneously to start the cleanse this week because I had been battling a cold and was already basically fasting...drinking copious amounts of herbal teas with lemon and honey and eating very little. IT was easy to transition into just drinking for ten days.
I wanted to do the fast around lent because of its symbolism and also because I was in need of it.
My body is out of whack with winter isolation..very little outside activities and a bout of depression securely rooted in our recent circumstances and more than adequately fed by the bitter cold imprisoning weather.
A physical lethargy has crept in..and taken up residence.
Moving my body seems to take too much effort...except for the muscles in my arm that have more than enough stamina to transport food from plate to mouth.
I have discovered...or should I say: rediscovered the age old truth that desire is not enough.
Desire for a healthy..fit..muscular...toned body is not enough.
I believe the right things about food..and exercise.
You could say I have the right orthodoxy...the right way of believing.
But am sadly lacking in ortho-praxis....the right way of living out what I believe.

Oooh...time for the transition from natural to spiritual...
Can you see where this is heading?

I am reading a dangerous book.
The title for all you who dare is:
"Irresistible Revolution"
( Shane Claiborne)

I am also reading another very dangerous...unsafe book:
Some of the text in this book is written in red.
It has many authors.
I have read it many times ...but recently discovered that although I had professed to be a believer...I was not being much of a follower...and at my age that truth has begun to scare me.

It is pretty crazy when after all these years...the author of the book tells you that he loves you..is pleased with you...and now wants you to follow him and you begin to understand that it will cost you everything you have..all that you believe in and maybe your life.
That it is not about being understood so much as misunderstood...it is not about living so much as dying..it is not about having..so much as losing..it is not so much as being accepted as being rejected and hated....
It is not about being safe.

Did he really mean what he said?

There are safer ways to live than by being a follower of the One.

I am on day four of The Master Cleanse...almost half way through.
I am at the beginning of another fast... one designed by the Master.
This one's for life.

I believe Jesus really meant what he said.
In the Sermon on the Mount and the Beattitudes ( Matthew 5)
To the rich young ruler. (Matthew 19: 16-30)

Shane Claiborne puts it like this:

"There are cooler ways to live than by trying to follow the gospel...but look on the bright side, if you end up in jail, historically, you will be in very good company. Jail has always been an important place for Christians. In eras of injustice, it becomes the Christian's home.
So live real good, get beat up real bad. Dance until they kill you, and then dance some more.
That's how this thing seems to work."

It takes a while in this culture for things to sink in.
We are so numb...medicated..sedated...overfed...over indulged...over satisfied..
So indoctrinated with the media..sermons..propaganda: that we are entitled..we are good..we are free... we are superior...we are blessed..privileged..

We need a Master Cleanse..we need Jesus to do a clean sweep in the temple.
I need it.

I am not content to be a believer.
I am no longer satisfied with tongues..miracles..knowledge..prophecy...

Without LOVE they are nothing.

Loving my family..friends according to scripture...is not enough.

Where are my enemies
Where are the poor...the wounded...the crippled...the naked..the sick...the addicts?
They are where they have always been... not in my neighborhood..

I am done with believing....
Following has become my only option...

Losing my life...to gain it.

Jesus is for losers....

Master of losers...

Cleanse my heart...

teach me to follow.

Small things GREAT love…simple but hard

Mother Theresa said..
"There are no great things...just small things done with great love."

The Apostle Paul said... in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29
" God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

I confess.
I don't like the thoughts of being foolish.
I would rather be considered wise.
I am not a fan of being weak.
Strength is the goal.
Lowly...hmmmmm....is that the same as humble?
I can be humble...no really…I have been practicing…
And I have enough self hatred to fill a football stadium... is that the same as lowly?

It’s not?

Crap.

Small things…with great love…

No one I know goes around saying they want to accomplish small things with their lives.

Where is the ambition in that?

Where is the drive?

It is great things…or nothing.

Leave your mark…or your star on the sidewalk…

Make a name for yourself.

Small things?

That is not what we are indoctrinated with from our infancy in this country.

It’s BIG THINGS…big business…big impact….big rewards….

BIG job…big account…big investments…big dreams…

In Irresistible Revolution, Shane Claiborne talks about ordinary radicals.

An oxymoron to most of us.

He declares unapologetically, that true generosity is not measured by how much you give away…but by how much you have left…in light of your neighbors need.

Can we live another way?

Different than the way we are living now?

Do we want to?

I have heard it said that Christian scholarship in this century is what protects us from the bible itself.

We really do NOT have to live like Jesus…or do what he did.

Seriously.

We don’t.

I don’t.

Why is that?

It is foolishness of course.

Ahhhh…

He said we would do greater things…

And we latched onto that…

GREATER things than Jesus… wow…

That I can agree to.

Sign me up.

Did you ever stop to think about what is greater than healing the sick or raising the dead?

Calming storms… or pulling money out of the mouth of a fish?

What is greater?

Love flowing from sinners…born into sin…giving it all away…laying it all down...loving one’s neighbor as oneself…

This is greater.

And we want the star on the walk of Christian fame.

God have mercy.

I have been thinking lately about sheep and goats and tares and wheat.

A little bit of terror has crept onto my horizon.

This fear…of God…is good for my soul….

I have discovered in my barren landscape…my devastated wasteland…

That I have more wells than I need for myself.

I have more seed…

More love.

More time.

More.

All I have is his.

If I keep while someone else lacks…I am stealing... I am a thief.

I am.

God forgive me.

Small things.

Great love.

Simple…yet hard.

Time to begin.

He said “Follow me.”

He meant it.

Two coats?

Two pairs of shoes? ( yeah right)

Two beds?

Two cars?

Two houses?

Do we dare?

Small things….

Great love.

Greater things.

Simple.

Hard.

Possible.

Dawn...

The light was increasing on the horizon before 7am this morning.
I could see the shape of the windows illuminated against the walls.
The trees outside my window stood stark against the sky.
Etched like they were the shadows...
My mornings are getting lighter...earlier.
Even though I have experienced this every year of my life...
Living in the northern hemisphere, watching the dark recede in February is one of the rare gifts in a land smothered and imprisoned in snow and ice.
Spring is approaching...long before winter even acknowledges that there is a battle being waged.

You have to watch for it...
You have to pay attention.
One of the effects of watching many sunrises ...is a permanent hopefulness branded on my heart.
It is impossible not to hope as you see the darkness flee before the light.
If you ever want a boost in your spirit..deep in the well of your soul:
Keep your eyes on the horizon.
Arise...leave your bed...stand at the window or get yourself outside.
Fix your eyes...
The wonder and miracle of dawn is more than just the intellectual knowledge of earths rotation.

First the natural..then the spiritual.

Enacted before us everyday...every season... is the mystery, the miracle...
Resurrection...
Rebirth...
Renewal.
HOPE.
All things are being made new.
Including you and I.

"His mercies are new every morning...his faithfulness reaches to the skies"
...so the ancient scriptures proclaim with passion...
"The heavens declare the glory of God..."
" He is the light of the world."

Fix your eyes today...let your heart follow...
It's a new day... spread before you is another demonstration, an interaction...
An invitation: believe, hope...

"Weeping endures for the night: Joy comes in the morning."

Our days on this planet are a cycle of light invading the dark...
The unending struggle...
The inevitable truth enacted out before our very eyes:

Light wins...dawn always comes.
Winter ends...Life begins anew.
Ice recedes...waters flow forth...
It's a new day.

Hope springs eternal.

Watch.
Wait.
Believe.

True Religion

Isn't that the name of a clothing line?
Yes it is.
I just googled the name.
A Brand name.
Hoodies sell for $141.00 US
The cheapest jeans: $172.00 US

Sure defines our culture today.
That is a whopping exclamation point.
People in North Americal are passionate about fashion.
To a fault.

Our fault.

We stitch it on our asses, emblazon it across our chests...

Our hearts remain untouched.

" Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.
Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.....if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:22,24,26-27


We are addicted to looking in the mirror.
Our tongues rule us: in word (speaking) and deed ( feasting)
The funny thing is: we keep ourselves away from what we think is pollution... but by any other name is people in need.

People are not the pollution being talked about: thoughts...leading to actions..and beliefs are the corruptions he was talking about.
Ways of living.
Ways of doing business.
Ways of relating.
Ways of satisfying.
Ways of acting.

Accepting any other road map but the way of LOVE.

Religion: can be full of fault
Religion can be: impure

and

Religion can be FAULTLESS
Religion can be PURE

Religion ( Webster's Dictionary): (4) a cause, principle or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith. ( attitudes, beliefs and PRACTICES)

Does anyone know a homeless person by name?
Does anyone know a welfare widow?
Someone dying of AIDS?
Does anyone know an orphan? In the system? Abandoned?
A single mom... a crack baby?
A FAS child?
An inmate?

By name?

They have names.
All of them.

I don't know many...for most of the list.

And that scares me.

It is possible to believe in God.

And not follow.

It is possible to preach about, talk about, read about...sing about... God...

And lose the way.

Jesus never stopped walking.
He never saved for his future...even the next meal's bread was entrusted to his Father's care.

We are the DIY Generation.
Do It Yourself.
We have the power to make wealth. ( some of us)
We have the power and smarts to ensure that our children are provided for...into their futures.
They can need God for other things than money, food and shelter. ( some of them)
Our future. Our children's futures. Safe. Secure.

What about HIS children.

Who are hungry.
Without water.
Without homes.
Without hope for tomorrow let alone ten years time.

Are we so busy securing our futures and those of our children...that we forsake following the path?

Who do we belong to?
Who do our children belong to?
Who do the widows ...orphans...juvenile hall graduates..street people..meth addicts..belong to?

We are so busy constructing a distress-less life for our own...
We forsake those actually IN distress...NOW

What are we going to trust God for?
When are we going to have to start believing in miracles again?

When we need them.

But if we have all the stuff.
If everything is working and secure.
If we have more than enough.

Why do we need him?

Where has he gone?
Where have all the miracles gone?

True.
Pure.
Undefiled.

Seared into my soul.
Branded on my heart.
Blazing forth from my eyes.

Guiding my feet.
Filling my hands.

Shouting their names.

When all is said and done, I guess you can go and buy True Religion for $172.00 US online.
Or you can start selling.... have a garage sale... list on Ebay...or craigslist...
Find a walking stick.
There's a dust cloud in the distance...you might be able to catch up if you hurry.
I'm heading out myself.

Share.....

Years ago in BC, just before Christmas, I received a call from a friend. Her family was in dire straights financially and had very little food in their cupboard. This surprised me since her husband was making way more money than mine at the time. We had just been given two hampers by different people so we were set for Christmas. A sweet neighbor had brought over an extra turkey for us, so I could see the food stretching into January. God was good. Less than 24 hours later I knew God wanted us to give away half of what we had been given. My husband I gathered together a laundry basket full of provision, along with several more boxes and bags, and headed out. We watched the smiles erupt on the faces of our friends and the tears flow in gratitude. A couple of days later I get another call. The husband had gone out and gotten financing and bought my friend a nice ring, necklace and earring set ( real gems), a set of premier pots and pans, clothing and a myriad of other items. As I hung up the phone my heart burned in anger. I yelled at God as I looked around my home at the bare necessities. Why did you have me give to someone who doesn't deserve it? To someone who would be so reckless and irresponsible? We sacrificed...and they were unappreciative of the sacrifice....it was wrong...damn wrong!
In a gentle whisper God reminded me that it is never just about the recipient: it is about HIM, the giver and the recipient. And the bottom line is love..not worthiness as defined by me.

God brought that story back to my memory when I woke up this morning.
I am a wreck.
The tears won't stop.
I know that in retrospect...I withheld LOVE...after the fact.
I took the provisions in good faith.
I met the need.
I shared.
I weighed them, measured them and found them wanting... and stifled love in the face of MY KNOWLEDGE....
I stopped seeing them...and only judged their actions....

How many times do I do that?
Determine worthiness by my sense of a person's level of responsibility...or appreciation of their position... or value of my gift...my sacrifice.

We were given a second van once by some friends who had upgraded to a fully loaded new one. We were in need... were were going to sell it for cash. We got a call from some other friends asking us to pray for a young couple who were in desperate need of a vehicle. We gave the vehicle away. They were floored. We didn't know them. We didn't have their bank statements or credit card receipts to prove they were responsible ...and worthy of the gift.

Love flowed freely down...and through..unhindered by my filters...my screening process.

I was learning.

This morning I awoke.

In need.

Of so many things.

I can't begin to tell you.

My heart is breaking.

Where is Jesus today?

He is here with me... compassionately and kindly leading me to repentance.
In my time of desperate need he takes me back...and unlocks the doors I slammed shut .
I don't ever want to dam up God's love...or his gifts or his resources.

This has been a hard year for us.
Things didn't exactly go as planned.
The present landscape is harsh and barren and the resources are gone.
The debts pile up and winter seems to be increasing it's hold.
I can feel the cold penetrating to the marrow of my bones.

Does this make you uncomfortable?

Sorry.

Well Jesus said: Woe to you if everyone speaks well of you...

You can stop right here.
Go no farther.

Our situation became critical around Christmas.
We are still scrambling.
And praying.
And crying.


A single mom friend of mine who eight years ago was standing in a food bank line-up with a small child, having had all her stuff repossessed after her husband left her, sent me money in the mail...along with several packages on the Greyhound Bus filled with card making supplies so I could create beautiful things while waiting for a miracle or two.

Another blessing came in the form of an email money transfer from friends whose church we don't even attend.

Again...I was notified that a girl friend of mine who is in desperate straights herself arranged for an email transfer as well..she was desperate to give back she said...she craved to give...even out of her own need.

I am undone by it all.
Like Shane Claiborne..I feel like I could say: Jesus wrecked my life.

As you read this you may answer back... no ...you did that yourself....your choices led you.
God wants you to prosper...follow the rules like we did...they are there for your protection.

When is the last time you looked at a person in need and did not measure their choices..analyze their faith...probe their beliefs...to see if they are worthy of sharing with?

I know.
I was there.

God have mercy on us all.

Where is Jesus?

He's homeless.
He's hungry.
He's cold.
He's in debt.
He's dying.
He's isolated.
He's taking the bus.
He's on drugs.
He's prostituting.
He's lonely.
He's stealing.
He's in jail.
He smells.

The least of these.

Have you ever been?

"Most good things begin with a little guilt, but they never end there. We are all bound up in the filthy system, and if you find yourself particularly bound, take courage, as you then will have more grace as you liberate others."
( Shane Caliborne: Irresistible Revolution)

Today...I need to see Jesus.
I need him to bust out of the mausoleums we have entombed him in.
The box...we have imprisoned him in.
I want the filters removed...from his free flowing river of love and mercy...compassion and forgiveness.
Since when did we become his board of directors?
Since when did we become his counselors?
His marketing team?

God have mercy on our souls.

I am learning.
Through the fire of need.
In the crucible.
There is a certain freedom found in desperation.
We start believing in miracles again when we need one.
We start looking for truth amidst our shattering lies.

You can't look down...from the bottom.
But the view looking up is spectacular.

I am not telling you to go slumming today.
I am asking you to shut down and remove the filters you have placed between you and those
God loves....
Stop administrating God.
Stop the excuses.

Freely you have received.
Freely give.
Today.
Today people.
Find them.
You know who they are...and if you don't go look for some.
See them.
Like he does.
The last shall be first.... in a world where first is the only goal in sight... it is foolish.
That's HIS truth.

It's one of the first lessons you learn as a child.

SHARE.
share.
sHaRe.

go ahead.

do it.

if you dare.