Post-mortem

Depressed?
Ya think?

According to Webster's Dictionary, depressed is defined as the following:

1. low in spirits: sad esp: affected by psychological depression.

check

2. vertically flattened

check

3. having the central part lower than the margin.

my center today is definitely lower than the margin. check.

4. lying flat or prostrate

my face bears the marks of a hardwood floor imprint. check.

5. being below the standard.

I am so far below...the standard is out of sight. check.


Post-mortem....after death.

I have figured something.
Death immortalizes.
Values skyrocket.
Someone not seeming so worthy in life..takes on perfection, value..significance, after they die.
And they can make a lot of money!

Who the hell thought that up?

Where is he?
I hope he's dead....cause I'd be serving time if I found out he was a neighbor.

There's money in dying.

Just ask Elvis...or Picasso...Monet... or Freddy Mercury.

Just ask Jesus.

They're raking in the dough... boy have they got it made.

post-mortem.

tilt.

God.

I can't stand it.

I had a raving conversation...no..lets be honest... MONOLOGUE.. with my maker today.

Questioning the value of my life..in comparison to the prospect of the value of my death.

Is there value only to be found in me after I die?

Cause I am dying here.
I know I am.

We can talk all we want about making all the right moves...choices..decisions...
Sowing good things to reap the profit.
I made it cause I did it right.
Look...I am worth...this much $$$$$$$... I have this many...( fill in the blanks)..I am set for life..my retirement package is all tied up with a bow...sweet.

Proof...of a life worthwhile.

If that is it..then I am worthless.
Nothing.
Less than nothing.

Post-mortem is the only way.

It's amazing.

Jesus..while he lived:
Turned an entire world against him...
bad PR manager.
Had no place to lay his head...
sorry excuse for a real-estate agent.
Was completely misunderstood...
needs better communication skills.
Was betrayed by a friend....
wrong clique.
Was denied by another while in jail....
bad choice of drinking buddies.
Was slaughtered....
terrible mentoring.

When alive he did many extraordinary things.

He saved lives.
He healed.
Loved with passion.
He forgave.
He rescued.

The leaders of his day?
The ones playing for the same team? (( so it was published))
They killed him for it.

His value increased...POST MORTEM.

He's a money maker now.

So it seems.

You know the bottom?

Where we all end up?

Well I am lying on my back staring up at it.

I am in a wasteland of belief.

The funny thing is...

I do.

Still believe that is.

See nothing has changed.

God is God.

I am me.
My situation is ....what it is.
No job.
No money.
Debt.
Bills.
Shame.
Guilt.
Despair.

Post-mortem looks good.

Then I think.

Sometimes it's easier to die for what you believe.....than to live for it.

Jesus dying didn't start on the cross....it started long before.

TRUTH!

His value was not in death...his value was in him from his inception, no matter what anyone else said or did.

The same goes for me.

and you....

Today I know that no matter what happens...no matter how it looks to anyone...

Value and worth have been bestowed eternally upon me by the one who made me..at my inception.....

Before I was in my mother's womb...HE KNEW ME...((Psalm 139))

My life looks all in the red today...not a good thing according to other sources...

I like to think that in God's view of things, it is exactly true.

The blood of one....
For the lives of all....

Today...I am going to exhaust the red....dive deep in it....