Out of the Ashes

Almost every morning, upon arising, the chore of taking out the ashes awaits me.
Living in Manitoba with a wood stove...you understand why.
It is burning day and night.
Constantly.
Perpetually.
It is cold.
Here.
Kelly stop laughing.

Burning that much wood ...the ashes build up quickly.
Although by 7am it seem that it is all ash, as I shovel it out into our 5 gallon pail, there are always embers remaining. Not once have I awoken to find the fire completely gone out.

That gives me hope.

The dawn this morning was incredible...scarlet and flaming pink filled the sky.
The taller trees on our property are swaying in the wind...and the wind is warmer than usual.
The weather report for the following two weeks looks promising ( fingers crossed). It seems as if we will be getting the proverbial January thaw.

Dare I hope?

In the Book Hinds Feet on High Places ( Hannah Hunnard) the main character Much Afraid, on her journey with the Shepherd to the High Places, is always scraping together her little rebellions and fears into an altar and offering them up. The pile gets consumed by fire and she is left with a pebble in the ashes. She collects these pebbles along her journey to remind herself of the Shepherd's faithfulness to his promises, and to remind herself of what she has laid down.
Upon reaching the last leg of her journey she finds herself in a valley with an altar laid out before her. She discovers that the final act of obedience requires the full surrender of her need for human love...and acceptance. This sacrifice takes more that she can do herself so she asks to be bound to the altar and the priest of the altar reaches into her heart to tear out the weed of human love. After she awakens in a cave..she pours out all her pebbles..raked from the ashes of her surrender and they are jewels..treasure beyond measure.

What was I thinking ....that Christ could face the cross..in the garden and struggle til he sweat blood..saying not my will..but thine be done...and what..I get to blithely enter into the will of God with very little effort? Minor sacrifice..discomfort...and pain?
Jesus..who knew no sin..became sin...took it all on...bore it for all to see...so I could hide...keep things secret...pretend...succeed...prove I was good and worthy...of fame fortune..full of talent..wisdom and grace...

James Langteaux, in the book God.net reminds us that God says in his word to:
"take up your cross daily...not your golf bag... and follow him."
Am I doing that?
Following Him?
Or am I re-writing the script?
How much has been lost on the editing floor?
Is the movie nothing like the book?
God have mercy!

Can it be done?
As Sigmund Brouwer puts it in the title of his book:
" Can the Real Jesus Still Be Found?"

That's what we are called to.
Did you ever ask the question...
Where was Jesus going?
Can I follow?
Am I following?
What is my cross?
Is it an altar?

What does this mean for my life?

Doesn't look too promising....sounds terribly uncomfortable.

The cross wasn't the end however...

Out of the ashes of death...of surrender....there emerged a treasure beyond all treasure.

There emerged a blazing trail...

Back.

Talk about a treasure map.

There is a way back...to complete communion with God our Father.

That which was lost.
Is found.
Again.
That which was stolen.
Is restored.
That which was broken.
Reforged.
What died.
Lives.

Yes?

YES!

So today...I scrape together my petty rebellions...my fears...my will...

On the altar.

I surrender.

And trust from the ashes....he will bring forth treasure of his making, his design...

Lasting treasure.

And tomorrow..and tomorrow and tomorrow...

Through the fire..out of the ashes...

Following...

Him.

The Truth about Juanita

Noah.

I have been thinking about Noah lately.

And Elijah.

And David.

And Gideon.

But primarily Noah and Elijah.

I am reading this book.

I am always reading a book.

((((side note)))

Those of you who know me well know that beside my bed is a stack of books overflowing and sprawling on, under and around my bedside table.

The library .

I love it.

Seriously.

I get books out and can't even read them all.

I get them out because I can.

I plan to read them all at some point in my life.

But just having the ability to request them and have them arrive...wow!

Picking them up and stacking them beside my bed..knowing that somehow they will impact my life...they are like good friends...provoking friends...but friends none the less.

I love the possibilities.

Libraries.

And second hand book stores.

Rapture. Divine. Euphoria.

ok..moving right along.

This book: GOD.COM (James Langteaux)

It gives me goosebumps...

total wreckage.

You know that statement in that movie..with that guy who married Katie Holmes..you know..the one where he is that soldier..lawyer person..who is defending two young soldiers and he is questioning that other famous guy..who played in one of the Batman movies..you know...ummm...Jack Nicholson... who has this line that is now famous and is overused by many guys when facing down the women in their lives:

the line that goes:

" You want the truth???? You can't handle the truth!!!!!!"

Well.

I am starting to believe him.

Not only can't I handle the truth.

I am not quite sure if I can tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth...even to myself.

See... I am too attached.

To my family.

To my friends.

To my comforts.

To my reputation.

To myself.

Hence my focus on Noah.

One against the entire world.

ENTIRE.

Complete.

Total.

Today that would be 1:6billion.

And I hate it when the dog doesn't like me.

This book has me over a barrel.

It is all about believing....what we believe about ourselves..and God.

And it is honest.

Brutally honest.

Uncomfortably honest.

ShOcKiNgLy HoNeSt.

Convictingly honest.

DAMN HONEST.

deadly honest

It is killing me.

It is resurrecting me.

God cannot inhabit a lie.

I have discovered many lies rooted within me.

established.

flourishing.

reproducing.

They are lies about me.

They are lies about God.

A friend called today and read me a quote from another great book: Irresistable Revolution.

We got talking some more and he asked: but how do we do it???

How do we reconcile this and merge this with what we are already doing?

This is an age of remodeling and renovating.

We can totally gut a house and leave the foundation and frame intact and renovate almost anything.

Rarely is there total demolition...

A complete removal.

Hence my focus on Elijah.

On the mountain.

With the bad dudes.

All the other prophets of the MOST HIGH had already been slaughtered.

Not good odds.

Builds an altar to re-establish the foundations of Israel in the face of their years of Baal worship.

( at this time the lines between the Israelites and worshipers of Baal were blurred)

Stands there while gallons of water are poured on the altar and the wood and the sacrifice until the water fills the trench around the whole thing.

When the fire comes...nothing is left standing...not even the stones.

This is where the truth about Juanita comes into play.

I make sacrifices.

I throw my sins on the altar.

I offer up many things to God.

I make sure the fire doesn't get out of hand.

I wear oven mitts.

I don't want to be demolished.

Undone.

Consumed.

Unmade.

I don't like dying.

Death by fire..... is not my cup of tea as my youngest would put it.

I like mergers.

Blending.

Creaming ingredients together.

Shading..

You get the picture.

The guy in God.com puts forth the idea that we CANNOT give up our idols independently.

We are too firmly attached.

They have their claws deeply embedded in us ...but we have our arms wrapped just as tightly around them.

Both idols and idol worshipers belong on the altar.

Total consummation.

Total wreckage.

See...

I am an eternal soul.

I emerge from the firestorm.

I stand amid the ashes.

Undone.

Remade.

Reclaimed.

Again.

and Again.

If I limit myself. I limit God.

This is not a merger.

This is a total consummation.

The truth about Juanita is: God knows the truth about me and for me to hide behind my wishes about myself...my beliefs...my gifts..my callings.. my roles..my faith....to hold onto MY LIFE... is not living at all.

No more...

My focus is shifting: from others ((the other 5 billion 999 million and so on others))....from myself... to the ONE..the only ONE...

Who IS truth.

Who does LOVE.

Who does KNOW.

I want to want to risk it all.

The truth about me is that I have always been his... human...broken...questioning...avoiding..hiding..running...

The truth about me is that HE has always been mine... waiting..watching..knowing...redeeming..loving

The truth about me is that I need the truth of who GOD really is to set me free...

and knowing it...

believing it...

walking it out...

is the only freedom there is.

I want to be free in-DEED.

I want the TRUTH...I was made for the TRUTH...

I can handle it Jack.