I watched the sun rise this morning after cleaning out the ashes from my wood stove and getting another fire blazing merrily. COLD. Enough said!
Tall evergreens stand straight and tall, etched against a mesmerizing blue sky casting long shadows on the glistening snow like fence lines across the back yard. A pileated woodpecker adorns one of the branches of the oak tree outside my bedroom window.
It's a new day.
I feel like crap.
My chest hurts with the inner working out of issues and beliefs about myself and my relationships that are not in keeping with the captivating beauty of this morning landscape.
I hurt.
I wrestle.
I question.
I cry.
I surrender.
Not to the feelings...but to something bigger.
More than anything I want truth and the freedom it brings with it.
I need to feel these things because my feelings reveal my beliefs.
Not all these beliefs are rooted and grounded in TRUTH...
Just because I believe something ...doesn't make it true.
Believe me.. there are many things coming up lately in my life engendering feelings that are dehibilitating, crippling and cause nausea to rise in the back of my throat.
They swarm over me and seem to consume my entire landscape.
There are days when simply breathing hurts like hell.
Jeremiah the prophet comes to mind.
The name Jeremiah means: "to hurl or thrust as into calamity"
I am so there.
The world we live in and the relationships we are surrounded with are full of calamity.
We are thrust into these situations and lives full of our own inner struggles...like being held inside the fist of God.
Some of the most meaningful words I find in the book of Jeremiah go something like this :
"I have loved you with an everlasting love...I have drawn you forth with lovingkindness"
He always has. Loved me that is. And he continues to draw me forth...from disaster, beliefs, calmity...out of my emotions..into his reality.
How do I feel?
I feel many things today, but I am not going to stop there...I am going to discover, in the drawing forth, what these feelings are saying...and where I need to surrender and what I need to hold onto...
So...Good Morning...How are you feeling this morning?
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3 comments:
You write beautifully. I miss siting on your couch and having those deep talks! Miss you, thanks for sharing ...makes me feel like you are closer. Crystal
Hey Crystal...I miss those couch times too. We just kept going deeper...its the journey not just the destination...and I love that we have had the chance to share with each other along the way. It is a great gift.
xox
Hi Honey, wish I was there to give you a big hug. The crappy days sound so much more poetic when you write about them.
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