Emerging...the light is blinding and I can't see!

Seriously, I have been wallowing in the dark for some time now. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I used to be scared of the dark.That is no longer the case. The dark is comforting, safe....unchallenging...sedating. The dark lets me be. I can't even see me, but who cares.

Being the person I am, however, I must emerge. I can't stand myself for long in that state. Self loathing is bad in the dark because there is no room for truth and although glimmers of light pierce the darkness every once in a while...you can close your eyes and pretend it never really happened. When you open them again the cocoon of darkness is there to embrace you yet again.

Emerging hurts. Pain..lots of pain. My muscles are cramped, my skin is sensitive...and my eyes..OH GOD! I have discovered that as a child I was afraid of the dark, but as an adult the light is much more fear inspiring. The light is lethal, uncompromising..terrifying in it's unveiling powers. Light rushes through every available opening that there is, it pierces every crack and crevice. It illuminates, exposes and reveals. It cast shadows when something stands in its path and reveals with perfect clarity the blockage.

Today I have emerged with a will stronger than I thought I had... the battle was fierce and I am shaking but still standing. My eyes hurt and I feel pale and unsubstantial. I can feel the tremors deep in my core.

Having left the "sheltering dark" I can see the lie for what it is... while there, I saw the light separate from the landscape : ruthless and uncaring, savage in it's intensity, unforgiving in it's revelations. Now that I stand shaking on the edge of the shadows I know that the LIGHT is the SHELTER, it is the landscape, it is the source. Light holds and caresses, warms and sustains... enables, enlivens and shows everything for what it is.

I am beautiful. I am alive.... I was blind... and after I stop tearing up in the brightness...I will see again!