Stories....

All of life is a story.
Actually...although there is only one true story, we all live/create/perceive our version of the story, which in effect means that there are around 6 billion stories being enacted around the world while I write this.

6 Billion.

I have been writing my story since my very first moment of self awareness.

Since the moment I was aware that I was.
That I was aware that I was separate.
Alone.

My story telling capabilities expanded as I grew, magnified and influenced by the story telling abilities of everyone I came into contact with.

Not only was I creating my own story...I was also telling myself the story of the OTHERS.

I would also eventually unwind the story others were telling me about myself....assess it and recreate it to suit my story line.

I read once ( Ishmael: by Daniel Quinn) that to enact a story is to live so as to make the story a reality. He goes further and declares:

"In other words, to enact a story is to strive to make it come true."

The older I get the more I am aware of my disconnect within myself with the story of my life that I am authoring/have authored/have created to explain myself, my surroundings, my relationships.

I am becoming aware of the me...who watches..from within.

I am aware of how all my formative years have been exactly that... the FORMATION of ME.... by ... Me.

Authored.
Published.
Marketed to the max.

In my youth ( the first 40)(( grin)) I have spent massive amounts of time and energy coalescing and gathering and constructing and defining myself.

Unwinding the tale told by others...deconstructing the plot...observing the setting..analyzing...rewriting...

Establishing who I am.

I have come to the realization, over time, that in order for me to do this...I also have to tell the stories of those around me, those who have influence and who I have influence over.

For 40 years I have been author and CREATOR.

Passionately and persuasively I have spent years telling myself and any who would listen: who I am and who I am not.

I have told them and myself: who they are and who they are not.

I can laugh now.

I don't even look at it as a waste of time.

More like an inevitable journey.

The journey itself teaches.

There is no waste.

I am finding my fears have no foundation.

I am grateful that I am not limited to my authorship.
Neither is anyone whose story I have told.

I don't take myself so seriously anymore.

Not only can I laugh now.
But I do.

I laugh.
The Me who watches...and allows myself to BE.

Life to be...

I know that I will still have my hand in... grasping the pen firmly...pounding the keys...using the thesaurus like mad....

But I also know that I will put the pen down....push the backspace key...
Hit delete...
Use whiteout...
Burn the manuscript on occasion and watch the smoke ascend into the bright blue sky...

And laugh

What do I know?

I too am a name on the page of someone else's story...

And yet..
Not at all....

I simply am...

Today that brings joy enough.

ps... to all those whose story I might have told loudly and longly...convincingly... and through the telling caused pain, know that you simply are...and thus cannot be defined by me... I was incapable....of telling your story with any accuracy. I do not have the talent.Only the one who designed you and me has that talent. Peace and joy to you all..wherever you are.